Life and Death Learning

This post has been swirling around my brain for days, since our student died. This student's death has created a sort of 911 effect around the school even though it did not occur on the school grounds or during school hours. The Boss is clearly bothered by the fear that people have exhibited.

Last Tuesday, during a meeting, he addressed the fear issue. My colleagues responded like Congress after the twin towers fell. The boss is level headed and explained that we can not run a police state school. The other voice of reason is our Broadcast Department Chair (she's the reason the boy wants to go to Mathman H.S. btw), she said the reason this story is in the news is because, "it is extraordinary. These types of events happen on rare occasion."

There is no question that the death affected every person related to Mathman H.S. This letter , written by an anonymous teacher, explains why we need each other and why I think over reaction to a tragic and frightening situation can not be resolved by the presence of a violent police threat. I offer you a small quote:

There are many mornings when I walk to the mailroom ... check my mailbox and go back to my classroom and I get so irritated at how loud and obnoxious the kids are. I hear them scream at each other down the hall, just as you pass by their open mouths or laugh so loud and how they bang into you, oblivious that you are next to them and I just sigh and think to myself how I can’t wait to get to my quiet classroom; quiet for just a few minutes before school starts.

But I missed that today. The halls weren’t loud. There was no laughter that filled my eardrums, or screaming or bumping into me. Oh, the kids were there, but they weren’t making any sound. But they spoke volumes.

They spoke volumes about how touched they were that ... was their friend. They spoke volumes about how important it was that their peers just stand or sit beside them and be together with them in the silence. They spoke volumes about how much they rely on us to be their shoulder to cry on and the ear they need to hear what they have to say. They spoke volumes about their caring nature and how they knew it was important that they were there for each other. They spoke volumes about how they really know what’s right and wrong in the world and how it deeply affects them and others. They spoke volumes as they, we, have tried to make sense of it all today.

And I’m always awed by the fact that despite all the complaining and moaning that we as staff do at the enormous pile of work that we have, the hands on all of our time and the minutiae of our days as educators that when there is a need for us to all figuratively link arms and create a safety net for our students (and for us) that the net is strong as ever. It’s woven with the collective thoughts that we’re in this together.

I knew who ... was. I didn’t have him in class, but I had a few brief interactions with him and I knew that he was a decent, kind young man.

If you think long enough about all the bad things that happen all over the world, it makes one not want to even be part of this earth. My advice (even as someone who has a family member that is a journalist and had exposure to television news) is… don’t watch the news. But the news is pervasive. Especially when we’re part of it...

The truth is that we can’t make sense of it. Maybe the whole point of tragedy is that it gives people a chance to reconnect and strengthen our support system. A chance to check in with each other when we get too distant. A tune up, so to speak. I’m certainly not trivializing what happened into a “moral to the story” but I felt the strength of a couple thousand people, all experiencing the same thing today. It was comforting, even in the grief...

I think that as educators, we influence the kids who we teach in ways we don’t even know just as much as they influence us. We don’t always know whether we make a difference or not, but all of us hope to. We have an amazing job because we get to make a positive difference in people who are still growing and maturing. We also get to be recipients of new, fresh, innocent perspectives from people who are mostly untouched by cynicism and rejection and a lifetime of bumps and bruises in the road. They are not censored. We’re very lucky.

So I’ll continue to nurture and grow those things that I can hopefully make a difference in…where I hope to have an influence. This includes the plants in my garden and the kids in my classroom and I’ll continue to have pride in this wonderful school, filled with wonderful people that is Mathman H.S.

Knowing the truth that my colleague speaks keeps me going to school every day. I have the hope that I will reach one more student and help one more kid achieve enough to take calculus and go on to college.